I don’t think lesbians are the only ones who suffer from “bed death.” But lesbians sure do have a reputation for losing the libido after a few years together. Does your relationship have to end up in bed death? No! Not if you don’t want it to. But like most things, sustaining a healthy sexual relationship takes work. Here are some tips for keeping sex in your lesbian relationship.
1. Keep it Sweet
I once heard lesbian sex expert Joann Loulan say, if you’re bickering about the dishes and dirty laundry, you aren’t going to be getting any. As women, most of us are especially sensitive. If you want to get your sweetie in the mood, treat her sweetly. Don’t dig on her for little things. Remind her daily of all the reasons you love her.
Here are some tips to keep love alive.
2. Make Sex Dates
If you want to keep romance alive, you make romantic dates with her. If you want to keep sex alive, you need to make sex dates with her. Talk it over and put it in your calendar. It’s no secret that passion dissipates over time. If you haven’t had sex in a while, waiting for it to “just happen” isn’t going to happen.
Set aside a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. Turn off your cell phones and turn on each other. Whether you plan to spend half the day in bed or just jump onto each other for a quickie, doesn’t matter. What matters is that you both show up and get it on.
3. Bring Fantasy Into the Bedroom
Everyone has a fantasy. What is yours? Do you secretly have a crush on a movie star? Did you always wish you had sex in an airplane bathroom? Does the thought of getting it on with the UPS driver make your panties damp?
Contrary to the belief of some lesbians, fantasy is good and healthy. Fantasizing does not mean you’re not into your partner. If you and your lover have never role played before, talk about what your secret desires are. If your partner is leery, let her take the lead. Here are some popular lesbian sexual fantasies to check out.
4. Try Sex Toys
When you’re getting tired of all the clothes in your closet, you go out and buy some new ones. The same is true for your sexual repertoire. The same-old, same-old may get her off time and time again, but it just gets boring. Add some spice by trying out a fun new sex toy. Vibrators come in all kinds of sizes and shapes. If either of you likes penetration, perhaps a new dildo and harness are in order. There are sex toys for every predilection, from anal plugs and breast clamps to g-spot stimulators. Change your wardrobe, get a new sex toy! Shop for one together, or surprise her on one of your sex date nights.
5. Watch Porn
There’s nothing like watching other people get it on to get you in the mood. There is all kinds of great lesbian porn out there now, so check some out. You will probably get turned on and you might learn a few new bedroom tricks. And don’t feel you have to limit yourself to lesbian porn. Many lesbians enjoy watching gay male or straight porn.
6. Read and Learn
Sex is like anything. You can always learn more and get better at it. Read lesbian erotica for stimulation and inspiration. Better yet, read it aloud to each other. Buy a lesbian sex guide like Felice Newman’s The Whole Lesbian Sex Book.
7. Be Willing
More than anything, keeping sex alive in a relationship is dependent on both partners making a commitment to do so. Be willing to take a risk and tell your partner what your needs are. Be open to hearing her desires.
8. Your Ideas
Do you have a creative idea for bring passion back to a sexless relationship? Share your lesbian bed death solutions.