Friday, August 12, 2011

16 Lesbian and Bisexual Badasses We Love

16 Lesbian and Bisexual Badasses We Love

Our brothers at recently highlighted 13 of their favorite gay badasses, and we were so inspired by their list of tough queer guys that we decided to make our own list of tough queer gals. We (barely) narrowed it down to 16 lesbian and bisexual women who wield various weapons — from guns to scalpels to hologram machines to steely glares — on their badass quests of badassery.
Some of these women save the world. Some of them just want to blow it up. We don't care. We just think they're sexy (and mighty!).
Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster), D.E.B.S.
Badass credentials — She's the most dangerous criminal in all the world! No one meets Lucy Diamond and lives to tell about it. She can blow up a continent with the touch of a button, rob a bank with one hand tied behind her back, scale a wall with nothing more than two plastic suction cups. The only thing that can conquer Lucy Diamond is her affection for Amy. But, even in her loved-up bliss, she's not afraid to punch you in the face.
Angela Montenegro (Michaela Conlin), Bones
Badass credentials — She may not carry a gun, a badge or an entire suitcase full of doctorates, but Angela Montenegro is magic. She can rebuild a skull from a photo, repair a hard drive with her smile, reconstruct a murder scene in her very own office because the woman built a hologram machine with her bare hands. (Patent pending.)
Kate Kane/Batwoman, Detective Comics
Badass credentials — When Kate Kane is not training to kick your ass, she is disguised as Batwoman, kicking your ass. Weapons? She's not scared of 'em. Riddles? Not scared of those either. Psychopathic, megalomaniac literary characters running a bloodthirsty coven of crime? She thrives on it. Oh, and you know that whole evil villain monologue thing? She doesn't have time for that crap. "Whatever." KAPOW!

Bette Porter (Jennifer Beals), The L Word
Badass credentials — If F-bombs were weapons, the United Nations would have a volatile crisis on their hands in the form of Better Porter. She's got swagger. She's got power suits. She's got some damn opinions. And whoo boy, does she have a mouth.
"F--k you, Jenny. That is complete and utter total f---ing bulls--t. I wouldn't say that. Never. That's not even grammatically correct. You f---ing idiot. You're dead meat. You're just dead f---ing meat, Jenny Schecter." 
"F--k Jenny. Just f--k Jenny. Please. She f--king deserves to be fired. I'll f---ing fire her for you."
"And apart from anything else I am frankly f--king flabbergasted! I am flabbergasted that she has such a white actress. She's white. OK? Was Mary f--king Poppins not available?"
I don't care if she was available. We got you, Jennifer Beals. What the f--k more could we f--king ask for? 
Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez), Grey's Anatomy
Badass credentials — You want to talk tough? OK, let's talk tough. Callie Torres is a top orthopedic surgeon who has survived hospital bombings and shootings and marrying George and having him cheat and watching him die. Her first girlfriend morphed into oblivion and she didn't even bat an eye. And somehow she tamed the wild heart of Dr. Arizona Robbins in a single trip in the elevator. That's tough.
Cleo Sims (Queen Latifah), Set It Off
Badass credentials — What's the first thing you do when you steal a car? Trash the CDs you don't like, obviously. And that's exactly what Cleo did, before smoking a couple of spliffs, dropping a couple of her own F-bombs, and them moving into an abandoned garage with her girlfriend where the plotted to knock over a bank, despite her criminal record. 
Helen Stewart (Simone Lahbib), Bad Girls
Badass credentials — We admit that sometimes we swoon instead of cower in front of G-Wing governing governor Helen Stewart. Yes, she's fierce. Yes, she's smarter than us. Yes, she can pull a face that would make a Rottweiler piss his pants. But sweet Lord, her accent just drives us to distraction. You want us to sit in that chair, Governor Stewart? You want us to work out how to be a good girl, Governor Stewart? You want us to meet you in the art room, Governor Stewart? Yes. Yes. A thousand yeses for every command you could ever think to bark at us.
Katchoo, Strangers in Paradise
Badass credentials — So maybe she can work a semi-automatic with one hand. And maybe she can thrax you with her eyes closed. And maybe she's got a temper hotter than the inside of the sun. Because yes: Katina Choovanski used to be a mobster. But she's Francine's little mobster. She's actually quite cute when she's not breaking her hand on a table just because she's worried you're going to break her best friend's heart. (Yeah, OK — even then, she's cute.)
Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), Millennium Trilogy
Badass credentials — Remember that thing you did that one night that one summer by that lake out by whatever place when you were high and no was one around? No? You don't remember? Well, Lisbeth Salander remembers. She remembers everything. She's a stealthy super-genius with crazy genetic spy skills and if you hurt the people she loves, she will light you on fire. Literally
Tasha Williams (Rose Rollins), The L Word
Badass credentials — Leather jacket? Check. Motorcycle? Check. Husky voice? Check. Dog tags? Check. She served in Iraq, she went to trial under Don't Ask, Don't Tell, she choreographed a dance to "Push It (Real Good)." And somehow she even had enough self-control not to kill Jenny Schecter. That's more than we can say for all of the other ladies of WeHo.
Renee Montoya/The Question
Badass credentials — She started out as an officer in the Major Crimes Unit of the Gotham City Police Department. (You know, the group that was always getting called out to apprehend Batman.) But when she realized she was working in cesspool of corruption, she became her own kind of vigilante. She's as sexy as Batwoman and way less tortured. The kind of superhero you could take home to your mother.
Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara Maclay (Amber Benson), Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Badass credentials — A normal day for Willow and Tara involved saving the world together. Twice. Before you'd even dragged your lazy ass out of bed.
Toshiko Sato (Naoko Mori) Torchwood
Badass credentials — Torchwood would have been nothing more than a harem of hot-headed, over-sexed alien catchers if Tosh hadn't been around to provide a little logic and computer skills to their missions. She fell in love with a woman once, who happened to actually be an alien. But if there's one thing we learned from her boss, Captain Jack Harkness, it's that humans' "quaint little categories" about sexuality are way too restrictive. Tosh survived prison camp, too. And cannibals. She even installed a time lock from beyond the grave to protect Torchwood from Dalek invasion. (Not that anyone really needed protecting from the iDaleks that were reincarnated by Steve Jobs during last season's Doctor Who.)
Xena (Lucy Lawless) and Gabrielle (Renee O'Connor) Xena: Warrior Princess
Badass credentials — Xena and Gabrielle are the standard bearers of lesbian badassery. Every other lesbian and bisexual badass in the world should aspire to their greatness. They should place Xena and Gabrielle's badass photos beside their beds and worship Xena and Gabrielle's badass DVDs on an alter each morning while eating Xena and Gabrielle's badass cereal for breakfast each morning out of Xena and Garbrielle's badass collectible bowls. Xena and Gabrielle will never be out-badassed. Ever.
Gently tell us who you would add to our list. Gently, dear readers. No need to shout about who we missed. Unless you're Helen Stewart. Then you can get as firm with us as you'd like.

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